I'd always had this twisted notion that once I signed a deal everything else would fall into place. I never once imagined that quite the opposite might happen; that nothing would feel quite right. Case in point: panels. We've all been to them (or presumably most of us have). They're wonderfully contentious, sometimes banal and oft times inspiring. Being invited to panel (which is almost oxymoronic because the truth is as a new author you pretty much have to beg to get on them) is - at least from my perspective - just about the coolest thing imaginable (even with the begging). Someone wants to hear my opinion? I matter? Oh yes. The invitation you managed to finagle will - I promise you - go right to your head. And it should. After years of rejections and "While we liked your idea..." letters, there might be no better ego palliative than sitting for the first time in your life on the other side of that table with your very own glass of water. But here's the rub. The people you'll be staring out at are way, way, smarter than you. They came to that panel because they had an interest in the topic. You got on that panel because the program director needed another warm body and figured A) you're the new guy and B) if you got this far you could probably bullshit with the best of them. "A" works for me. I'm happy to pay my dues. "B" not so much. Sci Fi fans are just about the smartest group of people I've ever met. And I was wholly unprepared; essentially feeling like an advertising copywriter posing as a science fiction author. I determined to catch up on the classics, watch the shows that meant so much to fandom (Dr. Who, Firefly) and never, ever show up to a panel without having done a requisite amount of research. I soon realized that signing on that dotted line didn't give me the free reign I'd imagined it would, but rather made me realize the awesome responsibility incumbent on a writer who for the first time takes on the mantle of author. It is both humbling and unnerving and it is why I could never imagine doing anything else.